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Editor’s Note: We sometimes get asked why we talk about Donald Trump as though he is a criminal moron with various personality disorders. The answer is, of course, that we do it because he is a criminal moron with various personality disorders. However, let’s say we would join the rest of the media in covering him as though he were a normal human being. Here is what that would look like.
Say what you want about Donald Trump, he is not afraid to tackle the most important issues of our time. On Sunday, for example, he settled once and for all where he stood on the debate over whether he would rather be electrocuted by the battery of a sinking boat or jump in the water to face a shark.
At a rally in Nevada, he extensively discussed this scenario in front of an adoring crowd in sweltering heat.
In a soliloquy on batteries for electric vehicles, including ships, he pondered what would happen if such a boat were to sink and the battery would submerge.
Clearly, the former president has given this crucial issue some thought and consulted with the world’s leading experts on the topic.
“It must be because of MIT, my relationship with MIT, very smart, I say, what would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there,” he said as MAGA supporters listened intently. “By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. Did you notice this? A lot of sha…”
The former president then digressed briefly to talk about something he had seen about shark attacks. This very well could come up in the first presidential debate and is therefore highly relevant.
“I watched some guy justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry, they bit off that young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were… they were not angry but they misunderstood who she was,’” Trump said.
It should be noted that President Joe Biden has not brought up this issue at all and has not taken a position on it.
Not Trump.
“These people are cray…” the former president added. “He said there is no problem with sharks, they just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming [inaudible] really got decimated, and other people to a lot of shark attacks.”
Trump then laid out a scenario on the minds of many Americans.
“So there is a shark 10 yards from the boat, ten yards… or here,” he said. “Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking? Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”
Then, likely referring again to this MIT expert, the former president then came to the climax of his remarks.
“He didn’t know. He said: ‘Nobody has ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there is a lot of electric current coming through that water,’” Trump said. “But you know what I would do if there is a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time.* I’m not getting near the shark.”
With that cleared up, the former president then turned to other important national matters.
* Editor’s Note: The first time being electrocuted in a sinking boat would probably also be the last, so Trump likely made a sophisticated point about mortality.
