Let’s Just Give Trump His $10 Billion

When Donald Trump announced last week that he was suing the IRS for the ludicrous sum of $10 billion for not preventing his tax records from being leaked, the “Our president shouldn’t be a corrupt conman” crowd was predictably outraged.

They do have a point, of course, and not just because all of this could have been avoided if Trump had actually done what he promised to do, i.e., releasing his tax returns like every other presidential candidate in recent memory.

After all, allowing a nation’s leader to extort so much money from a government that is more loyal to him than the country’s Constitution and its people is the hallmark of a Third World dictatorship and not of a democracy.

Then again, that’s where we are at right now, and all that hand-wringing will get us nowhere, which is why we have come up with an outside-the-box solution: Let him have that money.

Now, before you complain, hear us out. We are not suggesting that every American taxpayer simply give him their share of the $10 billion, which comes out to about 60ish bucks.

Not that this would be a hard sell to the MAGA crowd, who are spending much more than that on all kinds of Trump-branded junk (if you paid your $100 deposit for a Trump phone six months ago, rest assured that they will be shipped any day now… or maybe never), most recently on campaign donations to make sure that ICE isn’t coming to “track them down”and, as of this weekend, Melania tickets.

No, that $10 billion that he so desperately wants (it is his favorite amount to sue for, the equivalent of promising to reveal his plans in “two weeks” for things that never happen) would come with strings attached.

Because, let’s be real, he is going to get that money one way or another.

He can either amass it by taking bribes from foreign countries in return for tightly guarded technology or other commitments we will never find out about, overcharging the Secret Service for staying at Trump properties (after saying the agents could stay for free), using his office to promote those properties, accepting lavish gifts, settling other frivolous lawsuits with companies currying his favor, and securing a movie deal for his wife… or we can just give it to him in one lump sum, like the Powerball.

In return, Trump wouldn’t be allowed to sell out America to foreign countries anymore.

While it would be impossible to keep him from accepting bribes, those would have to be limited to $1 million.

In addition, there needs to be a commitment to not attack US allies (and we don’t mean the rogue nations on the “Board of Peace”). Speaking of, Trump would need to let this Nobel Peace Prize thing go.

And it would be nice if the Secret Service actually could stay at Mar-a-Lago for free instead of being overcharged for the privilege of guarding the lives of the president and his brood.

It would also be nice if his secret police stopped executing Americans in broad daylight.

Finally, Trump would only be allowed to put his name on two more things (and neither can be money or Mount Rushmore).

That surely would be worth $60, right?