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The following is satire. It is a reflection on Republican attempts to tie President Joe Biden to the money-making schemes (which so far have not even been proven to be illegal) of his son Hunter Biden, a private citizen. Without presenting any evidence, GOP lawmakers and their allies in the media have made the “corruption” of “the Bidens” a central focus of their activities heading into the 2024 election year.
In addition, we also want to highlight that the media will write about the dumbest things, such as the president’s dog being removed from the White House after some biting incidents (and to be clear, that’s probably the right course of action but hardly anything the media should concern itself with).
Sean Hannity: Welcome back to Hannity, the program that tells you what to think and when to think it.
With me on the show today are Republican Congressmen Jim Jordan of Ohio and James Comer of Kentucky. They are here to talk about a very important story that should concern all of us. I’ll go first to Jim Jordan, the chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. Take it away, Jimbo!
Jordan: Thank you, Sean. Like you said, we are here to discuss a very important story: The Bidens are biting Secret Service agents and other people in the White House.
Hannity: Wow! So, what you are saying is that the president of the United States is going around and biting people?
Jordan: No, although he may well be, Sean. Right now, our investigation focuses on Commander, the president’s dog. We can present tons of evidence that this dog — which is a German shepherd and not an American shepherd, I might add — is biting people, including Secret Service agents.
Comer: James Comer here, the chairman of the House Oversight Committee. Sean, it’s not just that the Bidens are biting people, they are also scratching up the White House furniture, which is an egregious waste of taxpayer dollars.
Hannity: Right, but…
Comer: My committee is therefore launching a series of 43 hearings to look into this behavior by the Bidens. This thing might go all the way to the top.
Jordan: The Judiciary Committee will also be involved. We just have issued several subpoenas, including to Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, Kimberly Cheatle, who is the director of the Secret Service, and also Commander’s dog trainer. Heads will roll, Sean. We cannot let the Bidens get away with this.
Hannity: Okay, just to be clear, so far, this is mainly the dog we are talking about?
Comer: Well, yes, but I’m confident that it’s only a matter of time until we discover that others are involved, including somebody named the “Big Dog,” whom we assume is the president himself.
Hannity: You have convinced me! Stay tuned for our upcoming three-hour special on the Biden biting scandal.
Comer and Jordan: Follow us on Twitter!
