Local Homeowner Wants to Hunt Down Antifa Thugs Who Vandalized His Pool
While algae can bloom in any pool or pond, when local homeowner Donald T. found some in his newly refurbished pool, he knew the real culprit must be antifa vandals.
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When local homeowner Donald T. woke up on Sunday morning, he was in a good mood. He had recently celebrated his birthday, settled a dispute with a neighbor, and spent Saturday evening sharing photoshopped images of himself on social media. In addition, for a mere $14 million, an acquaintance had just redone his backyard pool in time for Independence Day.
However, when T. went outside to marvel at his pool’s beautiful new lining, he was greeted by an appalling sight: algae.
As any professional knows, he is not alone.
“It’s common for every pool owner to have to deal with algae at some point whether you’re a new pool owner or a seasoned professional,” according to the folks at Global Pool Products, who note that keeping algae out of the water is a truly Sisyphean task.
“Algae spores can constantly land in your pool water through the wind, rainfall, or even contaminated pool equipment,” they add. “From there, depending on the conditions of your pool, algae can begin to bloom very quickly causing major problems. Poor water circulation, filtration, and poor pH levels can all create the perfect environment for algae to begin reproducing their own spores rapidly and make your pool look gross.”
And, in light of the unusual size of T.’s pool, its history of algae infestation, the hot weather, recent rain, and a lack of water treatment, it therefore seems only natural that he would have to deal with this problem at some point.
However, T. dismissed these natural and total normal causes for algal bloom and offered his own theory for why his “pristine” pool had turned green and the new lining had started to come loose.
“I’m sure it was antifa,” T. said in an interview. “They came in at night with knives and put the algae in the pool.”
When he was informed that this is a very common issue for poll and pond owners, T. doubled down, saying that he had pictures of this heinous crime evidence that he would reveal at a future trial.
“These guys need to be locked up for a very long time,” he added.
T. is known in town as a cantankerous fellow who is best known for still claiming that the race for president of the homeowner’s association, which he lost in 2020, was stolen from him.
He previously blamed antifa for attacking the HOA headquarters after that election.
While this accusation also lacks credibility, it is expected that the local police department, which is run by T.s lawyer, will get right on this case.
