Elon Musk Is the Perfect First Trillionaire

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If we had been able to choose the world’s first trillionaire, Elon Musk would have been one of our top picks*. And that’s why we are thrilled that he achieved this milestone on Friday.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s definitely not because we think he is deserving in any way, that’s for sure.

Instead, we see Musk as a poster boy for why trillionaires should not exist — or billionaires, for that matter.

First of all, that’s because he is a truly awful person.

Musk is an unabashed white supremacist (which may not be surprising since he grew up in South Africa during Apartheid). Hardly a day goes by without him amplifying the views of far-right politicians in the US and in Europe or highlighting obscure cases in which immigrants or minorities perpetrate crime against white people.

According to a Washington Post analysis, his social media feed has been riddled with hundreds of such posts in recent months.

Speaking of which, as the owner of the site formerly known as Twitter, the newly minted trillionaire has not only given himself a super-sized megaphone (he has 240 million followers); he has also boosted the visibility of like-minded voices (i.e., those peddling their rhetoric to far-right audiences and conspiracy theorists) and restored the accounts of hundreds of users who had previously been banned for violating the site’s terms and conditions.

He is obsessed with space and the threat of human extinction. Of course, when Musk talks about the latter, he means white people. That’s probably also why he seems hellbent on populating the Western world by himself.

Above all, while Musk styles himself as a truth seeker, he has used this unrivaled platform to disseminate an avalanche of lies and propaganda. He uses them as tools to meddle in the politics of various countries of which he is not a resident, and to push an ideology of white victimhood in Western democracies — polities that, according to him, are doomed to collapse because they are allowing brown people to enter.

This is more than ironic since Musk is himself an African immigrant who has thrived in the US. However, he wants to deny others the same opportunities — and it’s not much of a mystery what he would consider the crucial difference between himself (and his fellow South Africans) and those he would like to keep out of the country. He also played a key role in causing hundreds of thousands of avoidable deaths in his home continent, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

It would be bad enough if Musk were “just” one of the main superspreaders of misinformation on the planet. Or if he “just” opened the floodgates for like-minded radicals to spew their hatred on a platform with half a billion users.

Unfortunately, there is more.

Musk also owns the artificial intelligence chatbot Grok.

Grok’s one redeeming feature is that it serves as an example of why people should not view chatbots as trustworthy sources of information. Instead, they are programs that are trained by humans with an agenda… like Musk.

That is why, perhaps unsurprisingly, one day Grok started referring to itself as “MechaHitler,” praised the Nazi leader, and spewed far-right propaganda. The backstory is that Musk was upset that his chatbot was too woke — i.e., that it didn’t share his right-wing views. So he decided to tweak it a bit… and boy, did that work!

Some called this a “malfunction,” but we think this was Grok reflecting how its owner really feels.

What we are saying is that you could give $1 trillion to a random felon (not this guy, though*), and chances are that he would be a better person to have that wealth than Musk.

But he isn’t just an awful human being! He is also a total weirdo.

He is obsessed with space and the threat of human extinction. Of course, when Musk talks about the latter, he means white people. That’s probably also why he seems hellbent on populating the Western world by himself.

As far as we know, he has 14 kids. It could be quite a few more because he has privately expressed his wish to have a “legion-level” number of children “before the apocalypse.” He also seems to have solicited women on X to have his babies.

The best way to figure out how large Musk’s brood really is might be to go through birth registers and look for super strange names.

While his first half dozen kids, who are now all adults, had normal names, that’s not the case for the latest eight, all of whom have been born since 2020.  

They are (and we really wish for their sake that we were making this up) X Æ A-XII, Exa Dark Sideræl, Strider, Azure, Techno Mechanicus, Arcadia, Romulus, and Seldon Lycurgus.

Now, it would be one thing if Musk just wanted to have a bunch of kids and give them strange names.

With that much dough, he could do anything. But instead of retiring to Muskland and raising his one million kids, Musk is using his money to make the world a worse place for everybody else.

As a trillionaire, he could pay each of his baby mamas seven figures per child, have a million kids, and populate his own country. If he did that, Muskland’s population would then be larger than that of more than 70 other nations and dependent territories. 

He could even bring back Apartheid, keep all those pesky immigrants out, and make X Æ A-XII his secretary of war.

That would be great… and it also shows how much money $1 trillion is.

To put it in perspective, Musk now owns more stocks than the bottom 50 percent of Americans combined.

With that much dough, he could do anything. But instead of retiring to Muskland and raising his one million kids, Musk is using his money to make the world a worse place for everybody else.

He purchased Twitter for $44 billion to give himself a platform to spread his racist ideology. Then he spent nearly $300 million to get Donald Trump elected.

And then he used the influence that he bought himself to establish the much-ballyhooed Department of Government Efficiency, which proceeded to kill a few million people.

Well, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. In fact, Musk and his fellow bros have merely allowed about 750,000 people to die needlessly. Most of them are children, by the way. That number is expected to reach 14 million by 2030.

Now, if you have been paying attention, that seems to run counter to the whole “declining global population” issue that Musk claims to care about. Then again, since most of these people live in Africa (until they die from malnutrition or a lack of medication that the US government used to provide), it fits in perfectly with the “He is a white supremacist” narrative.

And why did he do this? Because Musk and so many of his ilk want to cripple the government so they won’t be asked to pay taxes and/or to ensure that nobody ever gets to tell them what to do.

There is an entire system set up to make Americans care more about those volleyball teams than the fact that they are increasingly struggling to get by while the uber-wealthy build themselves golden statues*.

Which brings us back to the original point: Most of the world’s ultra-rich are assholes, and Musk is (almost*) the worst of them.

We assume that’s because money corrupts and endless money corrupts endlessly. Perhaps those who inherited their wealth* grew up looking down on everybody else and those who “earned” their fortune feel superior.

Or maybe you just have to be a jerk to keep hoarding money.

In any case, nobody should have that much, and we can’t wait until someone shows up to take it away from them. 

We’re not talking about a Robin Hood-type thief, by the way. Just somebody who gets the bottom 175 million Americans to understand that Musk and a handful of his billionaire buddies have more money than all of them combined, and that these fat cats employ armies of accountants, lobbyists, lawyers, and lawmakers to ensure that they only have to pay a minimum in taxes.

Those people don’t even have to get out their pitchforks; they just have to understand that it matters much more that no billionaire pays their fair share than who plays on which high school volleyball team.

And then they have to vote for candidates who will tax that wealth into oblivion.

Sometimes, we feel as though that moment in time is drawing close. Sometimes, it feels as though that understanding is still very far away because there is an entire system set up to make Americans care more about those volleyball teams than the fact that they are increasingly struggling to get by while the uber-wealthy build themselves golden statues*.

That’s why we think that it is good news that someone like Elon Musk managed to amass $1,000,000,000,000 (by the way, if you are among the lucky Americans who have $10,000 in their bank accounts, then keep in mind that he has 100 million times more money than you).

Because it shows that the system is broken beyond repair, and somebody has to come and tear it all down before we can start new again.

*In case you are wondering, our preferred scenario would have been if Donald Trump, who is equally loathsome and has no redeeming qualities, had managed somehow to pilfer $1 trillion from US taxpayers and then bragged about it.